Teaching your best friend how to sit.

It's not every day that you come home with a new best friend; someone to love, hang out with, pat between the ears and let them know how much you appreciate them. As soon as the both of you walk through the door, you know that every day is gonna be the best day of your life. You'll be able to come home to all the attention you could ever want, your loneliness will be a thing of the past, and you can rest easy know that no matter what happens they'll always be there for you. They'll hold you tight, let you rest your weary eyes and nap till you're full of energy and ready to play.

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As the arms of time tick on, however, there might come a time when your good boy or good girl can be a little obstinate. Rough, gruff, rude, or even outright mean! Who could've thought that your best friend could turn out to be such a challenge! You might think to yourself, "What in the WORLD is happening! Who took my baby away from me and replaced them with this diabolical monster? There's no feasible way toilet paper could've gotten on top the fridge, and how did they even get those weird stains on the wall next to my bed?!"

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Have no fear, reader! Warden Lt. Gym Leader Who are you? Professional Goodboy Trainer Pyro has your back! With these three easy steps, I'll take your hand and lead you through the hoops of teaching your best friend how to be the best they can be! Hike up those slacks and follow me!

Step 1: Good Eats!

By-far, the worst thing your could put your new best friend through is irregular feeding. Dogs and cats love to eat just like we do, but feeding them too much or too little whenever you feel like they're hungry will have some dire repercussions and runs the risk of turning them into moody, ambivalent little beasts. No one wants to come home to a loved one so lethargic they won't get up to greet you or so chubby that it's a struggle for them to move. Giving your loved one appropriate portion-sizes at regularly timed intervals will help regulate their dietary inclinations, prevent dysfunction, and promote healthy living for both you AND you pet for years to come! They don't need breakfast, lunch, and dinner like you do, so making sure they get their chow twice a day is plenty for them. The best way to establish this behavior is to feed your pet after you wake up in the morning and after you get home from work in the evening, I.e, 6am and 6pm, 12am and 12pm, etc. Feeding them when they're happiest only helps them put it down faster! How much you feed your pet depends on their build and weight.

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This one gets one cup of dry kibble, and this one gets a half cup. Easy pea-sy!

Step 2: Rest easy, little buddy!

Sleep is as quintessential for your pet as it is for you. Depending on your age, doctors recommend six to eight full hours of beauty rest so that you can feel well-rested and rejuvenated, rising and setting with the sun, no electronics two-three hours before bed, and no blue back-lights after dusk because of the strain they put on your eyes. A noon and midnight feeding schedule is do-able, but it's really not great for your circadian rhythm! Your best friend is a living, breathing being just as much as you are, and there's no doubt in my mind that they'd really appreciate it if you lived a more natural lifestyle and follow your doctor's recommendations. Six in the morning really isn't that early when you skip major and go to bed at nine at night. You don't have to let your dog or cat in the bed with you, but some of them just love to snuggle up with you and get their good nights' rest at your side. If you're consistent enough, having a natural alarm in bed with you will help reduce morning anxieties and get you up at a set time every day without an obnoxious siren going off next to your head.

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Step 3: Annihilating the Competition on the Battlefield!

The most important part of training your pet, training! The only way you and your best friend can get to a point of mutual love and respect is hard work and dedication. If Defender Z ever taught me anything, it's that "you'll never de-tag as many regions as me, but you sure can try." Get out there, and get your hands dirty. Play fun games with your pet, like "chase the tail" and "destroy the laser" to really dig in and build those bonds of trust and friendship. Teach them that bringing the ball back to you means that they can keep playing as long as they want. Using short, repetitive command words and hand motions like "Sit! Down! Roll! High-Five! Fetch! GOGOGO! and Kisses!" will really help them develop as sort of muscle-memory response to your requests. Taking it one step at a time, like teaching sit before stay, or jump before go, will have a massive impact on the effectiveness of your training. The final, most important part of training your pet is making sure your'e both having fun doing it. Yes, treats do help sometimes, but building bonds instead of bribery are infinitely more valuable.

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This is what it feels like to chase lily after two years of doing nothing. Their speed is insane!

Major 2019-09-15
Champion Haku
Elite Four Vincent Drake
Ace Trainer twobagger

Cat-girls Fed: 23
S Gang Gaming Clan
Dictatorial Paradise
The Liberal Socialist Union
The Imperial Nations
Gamers United Under Ricardo
Czarist Russia
Most Popular Girls In School
The Free And Eco Scientists
The Lower Intestine Of Mickey Mouse
The Curtain Of Steel
Portuguese Dominion
Brasil Alternativo
New Drudgof
Idol Land
Booty The Re Up
Advanced Regional Collective

Minor 2019-09-15

Swimmer Atlantica
Elite Four Deadeye Jack
Champion Haku
Gym Leader Pyrohy
Elite Four Sir Merlin
Ace Trainer frattastan

Cat-girls Fed: 6 (Merlin and Pyro only, do not steal  >Sad )
The Greater United Federations
The Solar Archipelago
National Bolshevik Union
Chickenian Life

Lonely Wolf Snoots Booped: 1
Greater Mania Region
And some other doggos we pet along the way:
Valle De Arena
The Continental Funiverse

It took me three years to finally write a report. Make sure to let warden command know they're slacking!  Wink

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